Deciding we were ready to have a baby was one of the most life altering decisions we had made as a couple. We both knew we wanted to have kids, but the question was, when? Anthony and I had many conversations over the years about the timing of having a baby. We both had recently graduated college and were just starting our careers. I always thought that I would continue working after we had a baby, but I kept asking myself if I really could be away from our child every day. We also, lived in a cute little cottage that barely had enough room for our couch and a bed, how could we fit a baby in there? We decided to take it easy and we would both know when we felt ready. We did, however, know that we were ready to move out of our little cottage into a bigger house that could fit the family we wanted. We put the cottage up for sale and were confident that we would sell the cottage quickly, buy a new house, and then we would be ready to have a baby. However, our house was on the market and there were barely any buyers viewing our house! Time went on and the want for a baby became stronger and stronger. Finally, we made the courageous decision to start trying for a baby before our cottage sold. Now, if you know me, you know I have to have a plan. Even if I change that plan, that’s okay, but a plan is how I stay sane! I was nervous about trying to conceive because it was not what we had originally planned, but my deep down want for a baby became stronger.
So the time came and we began trying. We were excited, scared, nervous, and happy, all at the same time. I happily bought a box of pregnancy tests ready for the first month to be over because I just knew we were going to have no trouble getting pregnant. However, sometimes life doesn’t work out according to my plan. I got my period right on time; I was so disappointed, I cried for at least three nights. How could we not get pregnant, we are both young and healthy? Finally, I had a pep-talk with myself, that next month would be the month. I had read that takes some couples a while to get pregnant. So next month, yep, next month. This went on for the next ten months. Each month I became sadder and started to become hopeless. Talking about it with my friends and family didn’t make it any better. Nothing really did. I couldn’t believe we still were not pregnant. We tried many different techniques that might have increased our chances. I took my basil temperature, stopped drinking coffee and alcohol, and ate foods that were suppose to increase fertility in women. Finally, Anthony and I decided to go see the gynecologist and see what our options were or if there was something preventing us from getting pregnant.
Our doctor told us that it can take couples years to get pregnant. He gave us all the medical options: fertility increasing drugs, IVF, and having sperm tests done. We left the doctors office feeling worse then when we came in. We did not want to take drugs to get pregnant. Anthony and I sat down and discussed what the doctor said. Finally, we decided to stop actively trying to conceive for a while and get back to our day-to-day life.
We were constantly waiting for our life to start when it was happening around us.
I also felt, emotionally, that I needed to take a break and just simply be. In the mean time, our cottage sold. FINALLY! Suddenly, I felt rejuvenated! Things were looking up, we might actually get into a family home! One month later we purchased our dream home and during that time I had recovered from the emotional up’s and down’s of trying to conceive. I felt deep down in my soul, we could conceive a child without taking the drugs. I just had to be patient and go with the flow, against my typical reaction; to plan it out.
Then in late October I began to feel off, not sick or anything, but off. I had a gut feeling that I could be pregnant but I was reserved since I had been disappointed before. I stopped at Walgreens on the way home and I sat in the parking lot for a good five minutes trying to decide if I should buy a test or not. Finally, I walked in and nervously bought a test. When I got home I went straight to the bathroom and took the test. I anxiously waited for the two minutes to pass. I took a deep breath and looked down to see those two pink lines! I was in shock I didn’t believe it, were we really pregnant?! Anthony hadn’t come home yet, so I got a gift bag and tissue paper and wrapped up the test to give to him when he got home. I practically pounced on him when he got home. I’ll never forget his wary look when I handed him the gift bag, he took out the test looked at me and with the biggest grin I’ve ever seen said, “holy shit. holy shit! holy shit!!” It was truly one of the happiest moments of my life. All those months of trying. The disappointment began to melt away. Finally I said to myself, finally “we’re having a baby!!”
Trying to conceive, has been one of the most challenging and rewarding times in my life. Our struggle is nothing compared to some people, yet it was still a struggle. I think we all just have to look deep down within ourselves and trust our intuitions. We conceived naturally and it was what I knew we could all along. I just needed a few reminders here and there.
Discovering Natural Motherhood 